"Hello, my name is Ignorance."

...So

I'm gonna get straight to the point. I seriously don't understand how one can consider themself a meritable teacher...when they need their students to tell them how to teach and how to spell and pronounce simple words. The word "enzyme" DOES NOT have an M in it!!!! You cannot write a "full" paragraph about the topics in a chapter!!! Don't expect us to remember and always write about 8 standards that YOU don't even remember completely yourself!!! Do NOT force me to stand for the pledge of allegiance everyday...and then barely mention it on Veterans Day!!!! Do NOT tell me to take off the chain on my wallet that i've been wearing for like a year....and then say nothing the next day when my chain is even more obvious with a new wallet!!! Seriously!! This sht is fucking pathetic!! Do NOT tell your class to read 2 chapters of content then wait until the next week after giving pop quizzes to actually go over and lecture about the content in those chapters!!! Do NOT tell us that we are "lowering the bar" when we are simply proposing to keep it where it is!!! Seriously!!! Do NOT mask your own ignorance of the content in the curriculum by telling us it's extra credit to find out what it is!! Do NOT say "Hey, I actually read the chapter this time..." that's pathetic!!!

DO NOT do or say these things and at the same time consider yourself a viable AP teacher

I DIE a little inside everyday witnessing such a sight
UGH!!
lol.

Daddy part II

I really feel like the biggest jackass of all time. Around 6 o' clock on August 15th I was in a lobby and not by my father's side along with my mother, brothers, and his sister when he took his last breath. Because I was so awkwardly uncomfortable with seeing him in such a state. I realize now that I should have just sucked that shit up and done it anyway. I didn't think about how it looked behind his eyes. Analyzing one by one those beside him, trying to finish off his thought before the countdown of his heart ended. One by one...
~His loving sister
~His dearest wife
~His beloved two sons
~And...?

1 beat


A second more faint beat


The last....

Socially Unacceptable

"Ever feel like the invisible one in the minds and eyes of others that you want to be clear as day to? I definately do."

~ Ever since I can remember barely anyone has ever perceived me the way they should or the way I want them to. In the mental pictures or others i'm the "Who's missing?" puzzle. And when my perceived group of friends is considered by another i'm almost always the empty bullet of the list. I guess I can say I've never felt belonged to a group of friends based on things said by others. To be more specific I just recently read "I'd rather sit near Pap, M, and Edem." I sit next to them, I consider myself a part of that group but it seems someone shook the Etch-A-Sketch of my face. Even at my father's funeral almost everyone who went up to say something about my father would mention my mother and my brothers...and never me even if I was clearly sitting in between my brothers RIGHT in front of them. (Well actually I think that's just because my family fucking sucks)Most say i'm never acknowledged because of my voice. My ever so low and weird voice. I can't fucking help that. I don't like talking loudly, I've never talked loudly. I don't expect to. I feel very uncomfortable when I raise my voice. It's not a medical thing...It's a personal decision, just one of those things i DON'T like to do probably caused by something that happened to me in younger days. Noone seems to understand that. It's so bad that I actually get so angry when someone makes fun of my voice that it's barely apparent. Especially when i'm actually punished for it. My father always used to scold me when I talked too low. It may be #1 on the list of things that induces murderous intentions inside me.
~ This has always been a problem in my life...and will probably continue to be because i REFUSE to raise my voice because it's made fun of. But today I felt I should express it, knowing that nothing anyone says will help it.
~ I guess I care a lot about what people think...to the point where it seems otherwise.



~And so
I guess I just wish that more people would acnkowledge me for the things that make me love myself rather than those things that sometimes make me hate myself.

Saucay Teenagers

So Yvettes officially an oldhead today Happy Birthday Yvette!! lmao But yeh anyway I went to see the Wolverine movie and maaaaan....there are some sexies in that film i tell you what (random country phrase) Haha yvettes bro got partially arrested i still kinda dont believe it lmao. But yeh I can't wait until that movies comin out on dvd...pause-->zoom!! haha Hmm I don't know what else to talk about my life has been a little uneventful in the drama portion...though I am a very neutral person who isn't currently in a relationship or any type of bind socially I guess thats good...a little boring but hey lol I could talk about my inner thoughts and how i function in life but god that would just take so long maybe in the next post but for now im outtie and hungryy!!

~shaken not really stirred_sueños

Greatness

( ) = random thoughts/notes

Well today (well yesterday now) was pretty good...I finally found a dress (yes!! the workload is over) and i went to a pretty sweet shindig haha at britts for her b-day...I didnt know how nice i was at the drums in rock band minus the kick drum part >_>...i've always been a beast at the guitar and I didn't even attempt to sing. I heard some stellar songs on rock band that im in the mist of downloading now. Oh and I got to see kwuany kwuan! I havent seen that dude in like ever. It was good seeing marc too just as silly as ever. Well i dont have much to talk about i didnt have any important thoughts or anything it was just kind of a chill day...one of the first in a while.
[I am listening to...: We Are One by Buckethead and Serj Tankian]

~ shaken not really stirred_sueños

Daddy

[ ] = musical thoughts ( ) = random notes or thoughts { } = random/sudden annoyances

Geez i'm up some kinda early but thats kinda how its been all week (spring break!!) But onto the subjects..my daddys kinda in a situation where he's kinda in a hospital setting with this blue tube in his neck thats probably pretty annoying to him...I mean he can't talk and pretty much half of his body is paralyzed and some of his cognitive functions are a little off...it could be worse right? and he seems to be getting better but there are always those things that have to like annoy you you know?...The person of all ppl in my family that should get me gets some kind of ticked off when I dont choose to speak to my dad in the hospital..yeah I guess most people would be like "O geez what a prick you wont even talk to your own dad when hes in such a state?!" yeh ok thats great -moves on-...yeah thats what I do in those situations it amuses me. But anyway lately (being since i turned like 14) i've had a weird relationship with my dad...yeah i used to be a daddy's girl apparently i still am in other people's eyes [man the cocteau twins have some powerful music...] I think it's just cause' I look like him...anyway, when I go see my dad I walk in...put the hand sanitizer stuff on (I've been kinda sick lately and apparently its really dirty out there in the world) and i go over by the window and watch him...simple pretty easy well not really word count speaking I guess..but so much goes on in my mind...i'm watching his movements, his facil expressions, patterns, eye contact, signs of pain,....watching the machines...inspecting the sheets, pillows, floors, tables. I watch the nurses body language, tone of voice, eye contact, walking pace...all of this goes on within minutes and continues for however long were at the hospital...and still when we leave my brother gets this kind of ticked off and asks me why i'm not saying anything to my father and im like seriously dude? why dont you keep that shit to yourself sometime shit its so annoying and its funny because my mother has yet to complain to me about not talking....though i guess i've been more of a "mommas girl" if thats even a common term (hey cool tom n jerry is on) Well now my dads in this new facility that i've yet to check out...apparently my family likes to leave me home alone instead of waking me up these days..damn I still need to find a dress how lame I guess i'm done with this rant.
[Now i'm listening to...: Baby Love Child by Pizzicato Five]
~shaken not stirred_sueños

Finally

So I finally like made this thingy...looks pretty cool with the ripples and what not...but anyway I kinda just wanted to make a little introductory blog entry to kinda warm things up I think i'm gonna stay a little anonymous to strangers and not like map out my stats...thats work... if you know me you know me, straight like that(ha ha). But yeah wow that was like the first period of this whole entry (anyone reading this get used to it!) those who read my rants on IM should be kinda like used to it I like to use that whole poetic license thing. Who really pays attention to all that grammer and puncuation when theyre ranting you know? Oh man the music im listening to is so not right for how im feeling..hmm I should make a blog about that...So yeah yay my first blog! woo hoo -releases doves-...wait i think they only do that at like funerals and stuff...-launches fireworks- thats more like it!

~shaken not stirred_sueños